i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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