don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
