I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
