bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
