you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
