isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
