Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
