Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
