the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
