Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
