You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
