I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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