So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
