drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize