My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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