so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
