I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
