can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
