Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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