i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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