Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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