and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
