The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
