My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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