After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he thought i was a dude.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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