What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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