Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
