I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
