i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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