I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's like iHOP with fire
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
