I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
