I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
