i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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