I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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