All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
