I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
