your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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