ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
