I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
