We're facebook friends in real life
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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