Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
