Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm at about main and main street
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
