WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
