her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
