he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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