ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
