Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
