oh god the rape fog is back!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
