so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
