I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My balls are so social today.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
