Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
