i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
