looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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