I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
