Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
